Son number one is being romantic these days. I don’t know whether this has anything to do with February being the love month but for the past two weeks everytime he saw a flower he would tell me “look mommy a flower!” and then pretended to pick that flower and handed it over to me. Once I pretendedly accepted the flower he would tell me “put here mommy!” to slip it behind my ear. I really don’t know where he saw something like this. I don’t think any cartoon movie on television has this kind of thing.
Boy, I wonder whether he would remember this thing 10 years from now when friends become cool and mom becomes dull. In 10 years he will grow into a good looking teen hang around with the other boys and probably will be too shy to throw a kiss for his mom let along hand her a flower. I chuckled thinking of that possibility.
Son number two always snuggles under my t’shirt. He loves rubbing his cheek onto my tummy. Sometimes I wonder whether he actually wants to go back inside my womb. He finds comfort in my tummy and will not let anyone snuggles with me. Not his brother and not his father. Just him.
Yes they drive me crazy all the time. They ignore my warnings. They just won’t listen. But there are times when they just want to be with mommy and for that moment become the perfectly cute little guys, cuddle in my arms. I like to embrace that feelings over and over again.
There are nights when they are all asleep and I come to think that what I have done for them is never enough. Sometimes I am too busy with the house chores. Sometimes I am busy with my laptop. Sometimes we just don’t play for too long. At the end of the day I am left with guilt. Especially when they fall asleep without me having the chance to say good night to them and tell them how much I love them.
It should be the ritual before bedtime. My ritual for them. To hold them, kiss them and tell them I love them. Because, if tomorrow never comes I want them to know that mommy always love them no matter what.
Do you sometimes have this feeling? The what if? How do you handle it?